Creepy Blue Bird Man and a Magical Hedgehog

The next few hours were a blur. Not only was I on morphine, seeing a creepy blue bird man standing at the end of my bed and a magical hedgehog guarding the bathroom door, but I was in shock. No one knew what was going on. I do remember the doctor coming in to tell me that their facility is not equip to meet her needs and that they would have to transport her to another hospital. That meant that I would not be able to see my newborn daughter for another 3 to 4 days. What choice did I have? I had to let them take her. The first time I saw my daughter she was being wheeled away in a box by three paramedics. I couldn't sit myself up so all I could see was her little hand.

I felt like I had given her up for adoption or that she had died. I went through 9 months of pregnancy and a major surgery and didn't have the blessing that came with it. At least not in my arms.

I had to view her through pictures that were brought to me. I hate to admit this, but I was devastated. I was scared and yet thought she was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. I didn't want to show anyone pictures or post any on Facebook, for the fear that everyone would judge her or compare her to the healthy, beautiful babies that my friends were having. I still have that fear.

My older sister, Brynn had come from South Carolina to meet Erin and help us before my Mom was able to come down. Brynn sang to Erin for me and called me to talk to Erin over speakerphone.

It all hit me two days later. I was laying in the hospital. No one in the room but me, complete silence. Everyone had gone to visit the baby. I sat alone with my thoughts. I then realized that I was not waking up from this nightmare. I didn't even really know what was going on. I was given so much information I thought my head would explode. I called my Mom on the phone. I don't remember all that was said, but I cried. I couldn't stop crying. I do remember telling her about when I was in middle school, during the summer, there was a boy whose skin was disfigured. It didn't bother me so much but I watched the other kids torment him. No one would be his friend, they all acted like he was diseased. It hurt my heart now more than ever. I wanted to throw up thinking that this might happen to Erin.

They ruled out port wine stains and also epidermolysis bullosa. They told me they had to do a DNA test on Erin. We had to give a complete medical history on our entire family, and they kept asking us if we were related. I guess that's common down south.

On the third day they called us to tell us that her eye surgery went well. "Eye surgery?" I thought, "What eye surgery, I didn't even know she needed an eye surgery!" They must have told me sometime either while I was hallucinating or with all the information that was piled into my brain. Either way I was relieved that it went well. It turns out that part of her syndrome, which at the time was undetermined, included what is called an ankyloblepharon. Basically the inside corner of her eyelids were fused together so that her left eye would not open all of the way.

Warren, Brynn and I were all in my hospital room that afternoon, when we heard a knock at the door. Brynn answered the door. Before she could close the door (so I couldn't hear) I heard the lady say, "I'm here to take pictures of the baby." I know it may not seem like a big deal but you have to remember my emotions were running high. I started crying again. Pictures. Erin never got pictures. All those small things that I wanted, her first hospital picture, her first outfit, the family photo. It never happened the way it was "suppose" to. That's when the anger started.